Not good enough?

I hesitated. Balanced just above the keys, my fingers shook with adrenaline and nervousness. Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I began to play. From that moment on, everything was a blur. Except for the moments I messed up. Those moments I remember with painful precision. I barely remember the positive comments my judge made. All I remember is what I did wrong and what I should have done better.

When the judge finally stopped talking and handed my music back to me, I stood up, thanked him politely and left the room. My teacher hugged me and told me how well she thought I did. I just nodded dismally, lost in my own pessimistic thoughts. Thoughts like...
"Ahhh! I should have done better!"
"Why didn't you practice more?"
"You aren't good enough Sarah. You should just quit."

When I got into the car a friend of my moms called her cell phone. When she asked my mom how I did, mom said, "she did really well," and I muttered, "whatever. I could have done better." My mom said to her friend, "ahh yes Sarah. Always the optimist."

To be truthful, I was angry at myself. Why did I make those mistakes? The lyrics to the song "Fix You" kept playing through my head.

"When you try your best but you don't succeed..."

As I sat in the car, pathetically feeling sorry for myself, I suddenly remembered what my oldest brother had told me when I told him I was nervous.

"I know you're nervous but you just gotta remember Sarah... you aren't gonna be judged by how you play piano in the long run. You are going to be judged on your heart."

When I remembered that I instantly felt ashamed of my childish behavior. Besides, I should be grateful that it is even possible for me to play piano instead of sulking about not being able to do it perfectly. God doesn't care if I mess up, all he requires is for me to try my best for His glory... not mine.

Colossians 3:23 Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men.